Los Angeles County voters have approved a measure requiring porn performers to wear condoms while filming sex scenes, prompting a pledge by the adult entertainment industry to sue to overturn the measure.
I can’t be the only one who thinks this is a really good idea, right?
lawz I love Meredith Stern.
So tell me. How far can I walk on my own at night? How many metres, exactly, can I walk unaccompanied without having to fear for my life?
How many drinks am I, an adult woman, allowed to have after work on Friday night before being dismissed as a “party girl” or “asking for it”? How high can my heels be, and how short a skirt can I wear, before being implicated in any crime against me? And, just so that I’m clear, how many metres can I walk to get myself home?
And if something happened to me, how harshly would I be judged? If I vanished on that walk to my front door, what would you have to say about me? Would I be tut-tutted at for not accepting the offer of an escort home? Would idiots take to Facebook to admonish me for supposedly leading some guy on?
Would do-gooders and commentators and Twitterati-types take my parents to task for not raising me to act sensibly? Would they lambast my friends and lovers for not taking adequate care of me? Would everyone in my life suffer because I exceeded my allocated metres of solo walking?
Would every media outlet in the country view my disappearance as an opportunity to point out that, as it happens, women have more to fear in our world than men?
Would you, quietly, at the back of your mind, think that if I’d just stayed home with my partner, like a good wife and woman, none of this would have happened to me?
Are you just looking for one big, smug fucking excuse to say that you told me so?
And just so that we’re absolutely fucking clear, how many metres am I allowed to walk on my own at night?"
Originally posted by victimblaming (in new post to add on more images).
These are posters from the Backbone Zone, here is a little from their website about the program:
For years, prevention has been primarily about victims, and the ways they can and should change their behavior to avoid sexual violence, sexual harassment, and gender-based bullying. More recently, this approach has been seen as putting the responsibility for sexual violence on survivors. Instead, across the country, there is a movement toward ‘primary prevention’- a kind of prevention that seeks to end sexual violence before it begins, and to put the responsibility of doing so on everyone.
The Backbone Zone project is an innovative approach to bystander intervention, and is about helping people recognize the actions that everyone can take to change the world they live in. Recognizing sexist and homophobic language, realizing that it has an impact, encouraging students to choose different words, and giving them the skills to be active bystanders when they hear sexist and homophobic language: these are steps that each one of us can take to end gender-stereotypes, and to help end sexual violence. Everybody has a backbone. The Backbone Zone project is a campaign that speaks directly to students, helping them to find - and use - their backbones.
Thanks for sharing!
Here’s a random fact: Did you know there is actually no medical reason to wear a bra?
That’s right. None. Contrary to popular belief, bras don’t prevent sagging or anything else.
I know it probably seems a bit strange for me to be saying this. After all, I am a lingerie blogger so I should be Team Bra 24/7, right? But I’ve been thinking about the whole bra/no-bra thing for awhile, and some of the language we have around bras (and the women who don’t wear bras) kind of bothers me.
As much as I love bras (and I really love them), even I don’t wear one everyday. I wore a bra more often when my nipples were pierced, but since I’ve taken the piercings out, I’ve gone back to wearing most of (but not all of) the time. Which should be fine because no one has to wear a bra…in the same way no one has to wear corset or has to wear a girdle.
(Click the link to read more.)
We had a dental dam laid out on our Freshers’ Week stall & so many of you asked us what it was & how it worked that we thought we’d write a short introductory post, which should hopefully answer all your questions.
What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is a thin rectangle of latex which can be used during oral sex to reduce the risk of STI transmission - they work in the same way as condoms, by creating a barrier between bodily fluids & skin. People often view oral sex as less risky, but both herpes & HPV can be transferred through mouth to vulva contact, so it’s important to protect yourself.
Dental dams are also great for reducing your risk of getting a vaginal infection & for annilingus, since they prevent any direct contact between the mouth & anus, which some people might not feel comfortable with.
You can buy dental dams in most large pharmacies, get them from the GUM clinic, or though the C:Card scheme on campus. They come in lots of different flavours, or you could add flavoured lube (although be careful if you’re susceptible to yeast infections, since sugary flavoured lubes will up your risk of infection).
So, how do I use a dental dam?
- First off, check the packet. Dental dams usually come in a thin, film packet, so check that there aren’t any tears or that the packet is particularly wrinkled, since these both up the chances of the dental dam being damaged. Next check that the dental dam is within it’s use-by date, & has a CE Mark, & preferably also a kitemark (these guarantee it is safe & effective).
- If everything looks ok, open the packet, being careful not to tear the dental dam itself. Dentals usually come folded up with a little latex band to keep them in place, so take this off & then unfold the dam.
- At this point you can add lube (not oil-based as this will make it more likely to split) to the dental dam (on one or both sides) & place it on either the vulva or anus, making sure it doesn’t get folded.
- You can now perform cunnilingus or annilingus to your’s & your partner’s delight! The important thing to remember is never to move the dam from one orifice to another, & never turn the dental dam over since this stops it from being an effective form of protection. Feel free to add some extra lube if it dries out.
- Once you’re done, wrap the dental dam up in some tissue & throw it in the bin. Dental dams are non-reusable so make sure you have a new one each time you have oral sex, & for each person who has oral sex performed on them.
I can’t get hold of dental dams, are there any alternatives?
If you can’t get a hold of them, both latex gloves & condoms can be used as a replacement. Simply cut the glove or condom down the sides to create a rectangle, then you can use it just the same as a dental dam.
In a push, you can also use non-microwaveable saran wrap or cling film, although this is obviously not ideal & likely to be less comfortable.
Can I use a dental dam for scissoring?
Absolutely! STIs can be passed between vaginas, so if you & your partner both have a vulva & want to stay safe whilst grinding or scissoring a dental dam is a great option. One of you simply clips the dental dam in place using a garter belt or a dental dam harness (although these are usually expensive & difficult to find), & then you’re free to go. Just make sure that the dam doesn’t tear or shift & you’ll both be protected.
Dental dams are rarely discussed in sex education at school (this is part of a wider problem with schools only focusing on penis in vagina sex) but they’re a great way to get the maximum amount of fun out of sex whilst keeping you & your partner(s) safe.
layin some knowledge down
Speaking of which, I recommend all women read Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio.
“This Is My Body”: The Video Anti-Abortion Activists Need To See [x]
If I made stickers of this, would anyone buy them? I just feel like I want to make about a million right now, so.
Hey seriously I’m actually doing this now.
I don’t orgasm. Well, as far as I can tell. Sometimes I think I might, but it’s not that mindblowing experience that I read about in fiction or see in porn.
Does that mean that sex is not enjoyable for me?
I like sex, with the right person or people. But I’ve had partners in the past who have taken it as a personal insult that I haven’t had an orgasm. Despite me telling them throughout and afterwards that I enjoyed the encounter, they felt cheated, or that I wasn’t trying hard enough.
And I don’t get that. Some people have a harder time orgasming than others. Some never orgasm. What matters is that all people involved are enjoying themselves, and getting something out of the encounter. Whether that’s physical pleasure, emotional pleasure, closeness, bonding, or all of the above.
The number of orgasms or length of orgasms shouldn’t matter.
Sex is an activity that two or more people engage in together. And like other mutual activities, say for example, watching a movie, going to a museum, bowling, etc., no two people experience them identically. I could watch a movie with you, and when it was done we could have very different interpretations of the story. I could look at a painting with you, and we might see two very different things, and feel very different emotional responses.
I’ve noticed that fictional representations of sex (fanfiction, erotic novels, pornographic films, etc.) tend to follow established patterns. Foreplay -> oral sex -> penetrative sex of some kind -> orgasm -> afterglow/cuddling/talking/leaving. Sometimes they’ll leave out the penetrative sex and it’ll just be handjobs or frottage, or scissoring, or just oral sex. But they almost always end in both people achieving orgasm. And that’s all well and good, but not all sexual encounters follow that order.
We seem to believe that orgasms are necessary in all sexual scenarios. Just look at some of the euphemisms we have for orgasms: climax, arrival, coming, getting off. They all imply an end, a completion. You start with the foreplay and you end at the orgasm.
Why does sex have to end at the orgasm? Why does there have to be a finite beginning and a finite end to a sexual encounter? Can’t a sexual encounter begin and end whenever we want it to?
From what I understand, orgasms are really nice. But that’s not all sex is about. Take it from somebody who’s never had a “mindblowing orgasm” that sex can be absolutely fantastic and wonderful and mindblowing without the “climax.”
Sex is like travelling. The destination’s all well and good, but how you get there can be the worthier part.
I challenge writers and porn directors to create fictional sexual situations without focusing on the orgasm. Show me the slow build. Show me that the characters are connecting, are getting something emotional and uplifting from the journey.
And if you ever encounter a person unable to achieve orgasm, don’t treat them like they’re broken. Don’t assume that lack of orgasm means they’re not enjoying the encounter. Don’t try to “fix” them. If they tell you they’re having a good time, believe them. Do what they like in bed, and let them do to you what you like. Talk during sex, communicate with your partner and partners.
Don’t save the conversation for the “afterglow.” Communication during sex is AWESOME. It’s okay if it feels a little awkward. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has felt awkward. We believe the lie of porn that tells us there’s rules for sex, and we need to follow the established patterns or we’re doing it wrong. Most of us, in our lives, learn about sex before we have it from fiction. Books or movies or fanfiction or porn. We see established “rules” and we think we need to follow them.
We don’t. Don’t let the media dictate how you have sex. Have sex as much or as little as you want to. Have as many or as few partners as you want, so long as all are consenting.
Remember, everyone experiences things differently. Talk to your partners, make sure you and them are enjoying yourselves.
I don’t think sex needs a “destination” at all. As long as you enjoy the journey, you should do fine.